Overview

This is a short story about my first experience with love. The first time I ever loved someone more than a friend. And how that changed my life.

I remember when I was younger, maybe in primary school and I'd spend my free time doing mostly what I loved doing. Either tearing my toys apart to figure out how they worked or I was somewhere on the field playing with my friends. Was the kind of person who liked playing with others but also most days I enjoyed my own company.  I never thought there would be a day I'd have to share that space with anyone. At least back then didn't think it would be soon.

Back in primary, lower primary to be specific, I never understood girls. Like why they needed to go to the bathroom together or why they just walked around doing nothing during break time and lunch time instead of playing and enjoying themselves. Never understood how they always came from home clean and went back clean almost like nothing happened all day. The most I'd see them do was laps during P.E time and they were slow at that too. I remember we used to compete with the guys who could overlap them the most. Later in upper primary is when I came to sort of understand why when it came to being beaten, they would be beaten on their hands instead. Someone told me it's cause girls are generally fragile. I felt like it made sense, I mean it explained why they were slow.

Later in upper primary I began hearing stories of how guys would sneak around school to kiss. I thought to myself that's just disgusting. I didn't understand why an entire boy would want to do that with a girl. I was busy running away from them, while y'all were running away with them. It would become a whole case and guys would end up being expelled from school for it. It just gave me more reasons to keep running away from them. I think I'd get the full disciplinary package if I ever got expelled from school and that was enough motivation to avoid trouble. I'd listen to my friends go on and on about girls and all these things like it was something normal. I mean it was normal but to me I just didn't get it. But maybe it's because I never saw the wave of puberty that was doing press-ups and warming up to attack.

I only used to hear about about puberty. Never really got to me, until it did. That's when my world was going to be disrupted. That's when my word first got a visitor. All of a sudden she was attractive. I noticed her hair was long but there were daysbit seemed shorter. I noticed that of all her friends she was the quiet one just like me. I realized that she has a really good handwriting. She had a flare about how neat she was always looked good. She was composed and always stayed away from drama. She spoke and I listened. She laughed and I'd always smile. She smiled and I was weak. I wanted her around more and more. I found myself stealing glances at her but also trying not get caught. I found myself thinking about her a lot. I'd escape into my world and she was there waiting for me, I'd check into the real world and she was just as real. The scary part is that I didn't seem to mind it.

I was never as brave as my friends though. Not as smart though. Didn't know girls like this before. So I enjoyed her presence in my world. And in real life from a distance. I never did have the courage to tell her or anybody about. My shy self let me down and I wasted my many chances of telling her. Eventually we were separated when I moved from the school and I learnt to love again. Every time I did the feeling was always stronger. But I'll never forget what it first felt like to like a girl.

WRITER: MUA