Overview

Words spoken can never be taken back, hearts broken can never be unbroken (only mended) and experiences from a particular episode of your life can never be experienced the same way. How you made someone feel yesterday is different from how you make them feel today, even if you are re-enacting the same scene. Life has no break; you either live in the moment or you miss the chance. With that in mind, some of us have resorted to living carefully and planning every second of our lives to prevent ourselves from making mistakes and avoid situations and words we can’t take back, whereas, some have resorted to living carefree and allowing themselves enjoy every second of this short life; because it is really short.

Whichever side you pick, there’s always this big question,” What would you do differently if you were able to re-live an episode from your past?”

I know for a fact there is that one thing you wish you could change, whether physically or a situation you wish you handled differently or words you wish you never said, because the result was painful and really took time to heal; I understand, because I personally know that there is so much more I wish I could go back in time and change, but life gives no second chances. But hey, not to say that you don’t deserve a second chance, you do, but with this, you actually give yourself, because no one will give it to you. So whatever it is you view as failure in your past and wish it never happened, it’s okay, forgive yourself, pick yourself up, make peace with the people you might have hurt in that process and work on being a better ‘YOU’. Most importantly, learn to love you and ALWAYS put yourself first.

For those of us who have been able to experience true love, you know that, when it comes you automatically become involuntarily vulnerable. Even those with the most gang star points fall like children and that is because, love is not an emotion that comes and goes with the wind. Love is bold; it comes and pushes you out of your comfort zone, gives you a culture shock and widens your scope of reasoning. If you haven’t experienced it yet, don’t be afraid, because in as much as it doesn’t come with a manual and FAQ(s), it is really beautiful.

1st May 2019, was the day my life changed and no, it was not because I quit alcohol or smoking, but it’s because I met a girl. I am already excited writing this down. I know she will be the first to read this article and she will be smiling then, I just hope I wouldn’t have made her angry by then. Describing her with words is really a challenge for me. Her beauty is simply exquisite. Her radiant chocolate complexion confuses every inch of my body. Her voice is everything an angel would ask from God. I would like to talk about the curves and edges, but I really don’t know where to start. Our meeting was really quite unique. A jobless, single man with a strong WI-FI is the most dangerous person on earth. The kind of stalking I did, in the USA probably I would have been arrested already, but thank God for Kenya for the poor efforts on cyber-crimes. (They need to do something btw).

After downloading almost all dating apps and creating a profile in each and still no luck, I decided to take my sorrows on instagram which has a lot of beautiful human beings, I come across a profile of this dashing beauty that can sing and dance too. Who am I not to stalk her, I go through her account entirely picture after picture, video after video, liking and leaving silly comments, I guess, I was looking just for attention, which she finally gave me. I never knew that, it would actually be the start of something really beautiful. The start of our relationship was nothing ordinary. We spent long hours talking to each other, yet we have never met face to face. It was really magical when we finally met. She was with a couple of friends whom I had stalked too...hehe. We still managed to have fun and bond and get to know each other well. The day was really a success.

On my way home , all I could think of is her and for the first time I guess I slept with a smile on my face as all I could see is her , felt good. As I said, our beginning was not ideal. Most relationships begin with the honeymoon phase before troubles kick in; ours began with fights and arguments here and there. I always thought that the relationship was never meant to be and I was never the one to tolerate such situations and so I wanted to leave and start a fresh, this was only a month in to the relationship. I wanted so badly to just let go of everything. A few more fights in the next month and I thought I had just had enough and I was ready to walk. I didn’t know that, love requires a lot of patient and understanding which I didn’t have at the time. I remember during the fights, there were things I said that hit her wrongly which added to the pain and I could just watch her cry all night. Of course I felt bad and really wished to have never said all the hurtful things but then again, they can’t be taken back.

Eight months later, wonderful memories and more fights and yet I haven’t yet learned how to tame my mouth from saying hurtful words during arguments. For how long will I be wishing that, I never said something so insensitive or handled the situation differently? It really hurts not only her but even to me. I really love her and wouldn’t want to lose her. I know where the problem is, but auctioning the solution is really hard. Opening up to her is the problem, and so I keep all my frustrations bottled up and when there’s a misunderstanding, they find their way out and when the damage is done, I feel bad about it. I just wish, I was consistent in the promises I make after every fight, maybe this relationship would be better. I keep hurting her and it sucks. I want to stop. Nothing is perfect and she has her flaws too, but if ever wishes came true, I would wish never to hurt her ever again. I hate to see her hurting.

We all want a perfect relationship and we look at people in relationships and wish ours is like theirs. We are stuck in the “wishes pond”, we need to wake up and realize that relationships require full commitment, communication and sacrifices. But if you must wish, then work towards making it a reality. Ciao! Ciao!

WRITER: Obatsa