Overview

This is to all the girls/guys out there, still looking for closure, answers and for some, explanations from
their exes on why they left. For most of you, you’ll understand why these guys don’t owe you these
things. Based on a true story about one who learnt the hard way, that she is worth more than gold, and
deserves better.

This is to all the girls/guys out there, still looking for closure, answers and some, explanations from their exes on why they left. For most of you, you’ll understand why these guys don’t owe you these things.

(Based on a true story).During my time, very few people were lucky to be enrolled into mixed high schools. For those like me, who were among the unfortunate, we missed out on all the hot drama,-one of these being; the opportunity to date without having to go through the hustle of trying to bribe the captains, to get you into the funky lists, so that you could at least get to meet up with him at music festivals, game opens or drama festival. Among the lucky few, was my girl Mercy, who got an opportunity to school with his Mr. Man. Guys, I’m talking about being able to see your babes’ face every day, hold his hand at short break, share the same spoon at lunch time, get someone to carry her heavy assignment bag in the evening as he escorts her to her dorm. Sweet, right? But could you just try to imagine what would actually happen if Mr. Man, was seen, spotted, carrying another girl’s bag, or eating from another’s lunch dish, or getting a little too close to this new fresh girl that just joined his class? Exactly. This is the spicy life we missed out on when we were thrown into same sex schools. Competition- social competition, wasn’t a negotiable matter for those people who didn’t learn how to stay off other people’s lanes- especially in mixed high schools.

So Mercy, relished such a life. She really adored her Mr. Man, and she was willing to give him her all, on one condition. That Mr. Man promises to be a little bit patient. She promised that right after high school, they would seal their undying love. But you know how these high school romances go, they rarely lead to much. And time, was one thing these guys wouldn’t give you. Soon, Mr. Man left her for this new form one girl, who would easily grant him his manly wishes. And that did mark the end of that short-lived romance story, but, signified the beginning of the real deal. Here’s where it all begins.

This new beginning, features her new (post high school) guy, - Anthony, this one chap who completely, absolutely drove my girl, nuts in ways no one can explain. He came in and turned Mercy’s world upside down. Down to that particular point where love meets obsession. Now I want you guys to understand the intensity of this obsession. Things were really crazy.  Mercy had Anthony in her mind every second, every minute…to the extent that the moment she woke up, the first words she’d utter before stretched and yawned, were’ ‘nataka bwana yangu!’  .The first text she’d send, the first status she’d peep, the first voice she’d want to listen to in the morning was Anthony’s voice. Anthony was the reason she lived and looked forward to each day, it’s what gave her purpose. He’s the reason she’d want to look pretty, and dress fancy, for him, and for him only. Her heart was smitten. Nothing else mattered, no one else made as much sense as Anthony did. And the fact that the guy was an upcoming ‘genge ‘tone artist, made the bond even stronger, cause she sought to support him, and hold his hand through this interesting journey.  They got so close, that the mum actually got acquainted to him. He literally made it to that last main step. Deep down, I really wish I got to know the boy’s side of this love story. Just so I could get the satisfaction of knowing that all this was mutual. That his level of obsession, his depth of love for her, measured up and leveled up to hers for him. Sometimes, I listen think about this obsession story, and just think to myself, ‘Have I really actually ever loved anyone? ‘Cause if things are to be this intense, then I have quite a long way to go.

Things between the two were going really amazing, well, till they weren’t. Sweet began to turn sour, when suddenly, Tony started posting up other girls on his status line up. When seeing Mercy began to be an option for him rather than a priority, cause anyway he had definite assurance that, she’d always be there for him...right? Salt to injury, news started getting to Mercy, that dearie Anthony was now walking around with one of his video vixens. So on that weekend, since there was an album party at his place that would be the perfect opportunity for Mercy to get to find out if all this was true. So she went. At the party, Anthony spent the whole time with ‘Miss video vixen’, in his room, he actually asked Mercy to excuse them, on the basis that they wanted to smoke, and didn’t want to offend Mercy who is not a smoker.- excuse enough to get this girl out of the way. When Mercy came back to check on them, she was bombarded with the worst of scenes, the kind that injure and crush the heart into small tiny pieces, damage beyond any form of repair. She returned home to find solace in her bed. After all, your bed and your mother are the only two golden things in this life that fulfill their promise to hold you down at all times.

 All that was left of that strong bond between the two were shreds of bitterness, unanswered questions and desperation. Months later, Tony moved on with one of her best friends, who Mercy still remains a friend to, on the basis that she can’t let their friendship be broken by a guy(her ex), and that she’s okay with it, since she should be moving on anyway.

It’s been two months since. And even though she’s been trying to put on a facade, her actions, her eyes, are constantly speaking louder than her words. Her pillows constantly soaking in the flow her river of tears. Her broken heart, that’s visible through the pain in her eyes, shows a quest for closure, explanation and answers.

As she finished her interesting narration, I asked her,’ Mercy, did you love him more than loved your own self?’ She aptly said, ‘ Yes!’ She loved him to the moon and back, there is nothing in this life she wouldn’t do for him. She had pictured their whole future together-picture perfect. She says that if she is to get another guy, it needs to be another Anthony. No one else. It’s just him.

Now ladies, this is where we go wrong. NEVER ever love him more than your love yourself. The sooner ladies and even guys learn this, the faster they’ll begin to walk away and let go of relationships and people that devalue them. The minute you sense that he’s getting very comfortable with you being too available, babe, walk! Sometimes you need to forget what you feel, and remember what you deserve.

Value. Work on increasing your value, because miners don’t handle gold the same way they handle salt, yet both are minerals. Gold is  hard to find, miners have to dig and deep shaft deep, deep beneath the earth’s surface, till they finally extract it. After it’s extracted, it goes through fire, it is smelted, re-fined.  By the time it’s done, buyers are willing to pay anything, to do anything to have it. To keep it. To own it. They know its value. On the other hand, Salt is picked by the shores of Magadi, nothing much to it. It’s available to everyone, that’s why it only goes for fifteen shillings, and is given for free in all restaurants, poured on ‘nyama choma’ tables for even flies to feed on. Decide on your value, work on increasing and doubling it. Have time for you before anyone else, let them wait, let him wait. Work on being self-sufficient, independent, so that even if you are dating him, it’s not because you need to. Not because you need fulfillment. It should be just because you chose to, and even if you didn’t you’ll still be fine. Instead of chasing him, seeking answers, chase your own development, your goals, stop striving to convince him that you fit into their world,-build your own, he’ll be the one chasing. Work on the inside of your heart, the inside of your pocket and the inside of your mind. Work on your relationship with God- it sets the tone of every other relationship in your life.

Once you become the gold mineral, so precious and full of worth, you’ll be irreplaceable. For those who are already gold, but he left you, probability is, he is the salt. Your value doesn’t decrease based on his inability to see your worth. Know what you deserve. Know your worth.

WRITER: KANYASYA