Overview

Many are times we fear standing up for what we love,what if you did? Whats the worst that can
happen?

I’m not the type of people who write new year’s resolutions, but 2019 was a year that I’ll live to remember as the year of trial by fire. So when I came up with my resolution of “I haffi or I haffi” it was because of all the challenges I faced back in 2019.

‘I haffi or I haffi’ is a street language, lets say a slang that translates to mean ‘I have to or I have to’. The reason I call 2019 trial by  fire is because this was the year that nothing was working for me. I had plans for last year that I hoped to achieve but the plans never came to life due to unavoidable circumstances that can happen to young man who is an artist in his mid-twenties living in Nairobi, call it lack of job which may lead to financial constraints which in turn may cause depression, anxiety and other forms of mental unwellness.

This was also the year that my team and I had decided to do an artistic cultural festival. One of the team member Ngugi was and still is really passionate about the african culture and so when he came up with this idea everyone was fully on board not only because he was one of us but also the passion he had for the event. He believed such and event can unite us all regardless of our age, gender and race,that’s why he dubbed the event ‘Unganisha’

Back to me, things were really bad, I would lack fare to go to meetings meant for this big event that was to happen later in December. Once in a while I would be lucky to have small odd jobs that would cater for my small needs and the fare. I remember one time a friend of mine Mike, called me to their home where they were hiring people to cut pieces of vitenge, the job came at  a time when I really needed the money so you can imagine the passion and dedication when it came to doing this job! I’ve come to understand that I was doing all of these things for the love of art.

We had secured the venue which was National Museum of Kenya and the event was bound to happen when my greatest lesson of the year came. Some of us started  doubting the whole thing (myself included), yes, we had already secured the most important thing which was the  venue but we still lacked funds to cater for other things. A lot of ‘what ifs’ started flowing in our minds.

It was during one of the meetings that we raised these doubts,everyone spoke their minds and Ngugi stood up to adress us, he reminded us of the far we had come and gave us reasons not to quit or be doubtful.

(watu wangu tumetoka far, tumekula ngombe mzima bado mkia tu, yes najua kuna vitu tunakosa lakini tushafika far na hatuwezi quit, we haffi my people!, we haffi do this!, as per now tukona venue na artist wa kuperfom, show already iko, what is the worst inaweza fanyika?)

People,we’ve come this far already, we have eaten a whole bull and what is remaining now is its tail only, I know we’re lacking funds to cater for some other neccesities but that doesn’t mean we quit, we have to, we have to do this!, we have the venue and the perfoming artists and that means we have a show so what’s the worst that can happen?

Personally I feared people might not turn up for the event but when I asked myself this question again I realised that my fear was not that scary as I pictured it to be, if people didn’t turn up that doesn’t mean the event wouldn’t  happen!

I’ve come to realise that as human beings we have a lot of fears, these fears have barred us from seeing the bigger picture hence limiting our potential. We tend to be afraid of small issues, as small as starting a relationship.

We will be afraid of being in a relationship simply because we have nothing to offer to our partners, maybe we feel inadequate to be in a relationship or even we are too scared to approach a potential partner because we feel that they are way out of our league. All of these things are simply happening in our heads but they are not the reality.

So this is our time,stand for what you love, ask that girl out, tell that young man that you like him, we haffi my readers, we haffi.

Personally one of the greatest battles in my life was when I was starting my blog post,I had always wanted to start writing blogs but my fear of the unknown really hit me, what if people don’t read my work? What if I’m unable to remain consistent? But when I witnessed Unganisha become a reality out of a dream , that is when I looked at the guy in the mirror and asked him, what’s the worst that can happen?

WRITER: K(IX) MWANGI

PHOTO CREDITS: PAWA 254 ART RISING