Overview

Love led me into taking up parenting responsibilities at nineteen. A teen, barely knows how to be a sister leave alone a mum, yet here I was playing mum. This was all because I believed in love.

I’M A MUM! A step mum actually, but still a mum. This hit me so hard one month into dating Mc’Ochola. Now I was nineteen, actually scratch that, eighteen. Well it was just two months to my birthday when I earned myself the title ‘mum’.

I’ve not really been lucky with guys, so when this specific one came along I was a little skeptical about dating him so I took my time. Two weeks down and I was head over heels for this fine piece of creation. We were in the same school, though different study fields. He did law and I was in media. I have to be honest, I love smart men for some reason it makes them ten times cuter.

Mc’Ochola never mentioned that he had a baby, and her mama present in his life. Sometimes I tend to think he deliberately did that so as not to scare me away, even though he kept swearing on his life that everything he told me was true. One month down and we had not had a proper date, therefore he invited me to his house after I insisted on having a date so I could get to know more intimate details about him.

He lived in Kayole, I lived in Buruburu. Never had I ever imagined dating someone from such an area, but this one was special. So anyway our date day arrived and out of fear of his hood, I dressed in a casual tee and jeans, just simple, careful not to attract attention to myself. He picked me from the stage. His house was less than five minutes from the stage. Good music, good food, awesome company was all my afternoon comprised of, up until I heard a baby cry. I was petrified. So any questions run through my mind as he sprung off his seat to attend to the child. ‘Was this not his house?’ ‘Could it be his sibling?’ ‘is he married and just messing with me?’ I was honestly very confused and I am pretty sure it was very evident on my face.

‘Hey, I can explain..’ these were his first words. All that could think of at that moment was nothing. I was completely blank. ‘This is my daughter, her mum are separated, so she is my responsibility now.’ Honestly this was the last thing I expected. I took me sometime to process what was going on. By sometime I mean exactly five minutes. I made up my mind that I would take up the role of being a mother figure in this little girls’ life. Naivety is the most suitable word for my behavior. I thought I loved this man enough such that I couldn’t let a child come between us. I was foolish, damn I was very foolish. I mean I barely had my life together, making it worse I was a first born three siblings behind me.

Love, Infatuation…. Whichever it was, it really led me into doing stuff I have never been confident enough to share up until now. I never had lunch at school just so I could send my boyfriend money for diapers. My ex man had a job. Definitely not a government job, therefore his salary was a sure bet at the end of every month. Surprisingly he acted like one who never got his wages. Every damn time the love of my life, or so I thought called me it was always about money, about me sending him money. I did that for quite sometime, say about half an year. ‘Hey sweetheart, Nana is unwell please find me some cash so I can rush her to hospital.’ It was with this voicemail that I knew I had to draw the line. I was still young, why I burdened myself with responsibilities which were not in the first place is something I’m unable to answer till now.

I decided to call it quits. I was tired, and exhausted. I was extremely exhausted, mentally, emotionally…. You name it and all my finances had run dry all by because of love.

I knew I had to tell him how I felt, so that evening after school I went straight to his house. I knew I had to face him, and if it wasn’t now, eventually I would just have to. I was shaking, trembling, and sweat beads on my forehead. I didn’t know why, but I think my body was trying to warn me of what lay ahead of me.

I gathered enough courage to knock on his door. His eyes were bloodshot red. I had never seen him like this. He was furious and I didn’t know why. I mean obviously I didn’t know why, I hadn’t talked to him all day. I walked in and locked the door behind me. I hadn’t even lifted my face from locking the door when he hit me. My ears felt hot, my face didn’t take long before it also started burning me. I was shocked; he didn’t know the goal of my visit that evening, so it didn’t make sense that he slapped me.

‘What sort of girlfriend are you? ‘‘What kind of mother are you?’…….. so this questions rang a bell, it was all because I didn’t send money for our supposedly sick daughter who was happily playing right in front  of us not even aware of the kind of father she had. I left the house, he didn’t try to stop, but I bet he knew the relationship was over and sure enough it was, as none of us tried to contact the other.

WRITER: Delannie