Overview

We all are messes.
We hurt those who love us and we want those who don’t want us. We want attention and we are
inconsistent in our pursuit.
But one thing is important; that we don’t settle for any less than we want regardless of how much we
have compromised

As we merrily walked on the old rails of the railway that once was golden, feeling the cheap thrills as I
feigned imbalance and you would grip my hand, I knew that it will be old as well someday. At first we
resist strongly then we see the utility and the thrill of it, and then we later find better technology and
abandon the former. Or maybe not. Nonetheless, let us live the moment.

I don't know if I should say I am dating coz it feels like I'm in a second hand clothe’s market. Let's just say
I have been, more often than not, committed to this man than any other. Oh, and I fall daily and it's
been bad lately. There was a cry in my heart when the year began as I was thinking about my
resolutions, and it was that I didn't want drama in my life. I didn't want not being able to decide what
and who I specifically wanted. I didn't want cycles no more. But it looks like it's all I'm going to be riding
on.

I bumped into this long lost acquaintance at the gate and I wanted to ask him why we didn't ever kiss
while we had the chance. The other day this one was in my home area months after playing hide and
seek with me and I guess what? I messed up already. And right now I badly want to text or actually call
this guy I might low key have a crush on and apologize for being overcome by my mood swings that we
ended our chat on wrong footing the other night. Actually, no. I want to call him so he can hear my
sleepy voice with giggles in between. I want to peck this guy I hadn't seen throughout the school
holidays though I don't really like him but the idea of being with him excites me and realizing how badly
he wants me just fans it. ( I don't want him either.) Isn't what I would do with any of them when we find
ourselves in a room alone rather obvious?

But what is sex? I think it's an animal that needs constant feeding. Once you accommodate this animal
once, it hardly ever leaves and the more you give in to its desires the more it grows and demands more
food.

But how am I, a virgin, going to explain how much I want these guys yet I have never opened my door to
the animal? Or is it knocking so loudly I can't resist? Perhaps I need to open the door so I can have my
peace for once. But I am afraid I will not be able to contain the appetite of this beast. I am a woman of
dignity and wouldn't want to feed this beast with street food, but I'm afraid there will be a time it will be
so hungry to the point of eating itself up and I'll just have to get it street food. And with time it might get
comfortable with street food; especially the nutritious natural food compared to the expensive GMO
tomatoes that barely have taste. And boom, my standard will have depreciated, and everything I ever
worked for before then will be vanity. Solomon the King says that all is vanity under the sun, but I think
I;d love my vanity a little bit dignified.

WRITER: LYNNE